One of the ways I hear myself described by other women again and again is – strong. I’ve worn my independent, strong woman badge with a hell of a lot of pride most of my life, my warrior woman runs deep in my veins and blood. She’s been there from the starts – I told my mum to GO HOME on the first day of school (there were no tears from me).
I moved out of home as soon as high school finished, went and lived in the big smoke (Melbourne), worked 2-3 jobs at a time whilst I studied and paid for all my own shit whilst I got HD’s all round in my degree and a scholarship for being fucking rad (legit what it said).
I did all the things that strong women do-
- Carried all my heavy bags at once from the car (one trip kind of a girl right here)
- Packed up my house and hired a van and moved the stuff
- Worked in highly masculine places and held my own (including holding my own bags whilst walking in heels and travelling around at airports)
- I mother without any extended family nearby to help, or for easy babysitting, or warm meals delivered. (BRING ME RAW TREATS IF YOU’RE READING THIS..)
When someone asks if I need help for a long long fucking time the answer was always –
Without even considering
Without even opening
Without even feeling
I was terrible at receiving.
Compliments I deflected LIKE A PRO.
Support? I didn’t need it
I was ‘strong’ you know
(Just rhythmed didn’t mean to!)
I still carry this attitude pretty powerfully.
The “I’m totally fine and I can do it all alone”
And I’ll tell you, this warrior woman, she’s served me well, so many times. I’ve done incredible things – pushed past barriers and felt so powerful embodying her.
But she doesn’t serve me all the time
And that was the bit I missed.
I could still be strong, and accept help. Hell, I could even ask for it.
Somewhere I hadn’t read the “strong woman still need support” memo. Maybe because no one sent it to me ?
I watched my mum be really strong. Do everything, endure a lot. Even kill spiders (I run away). But it took its toll.
I saw that too
The other day my dear friend Chelsea and I made raw treats, she folded laundry and we both looked after Luna together. It was light, fun and really enjoyable. Lee mentioned I seemed happy and less stressed that night. I felt heard, supported and found joy in the tasks.
It made me remember – I don’t have to do all the things alone.
That’s yes, I am a strong woman
But strong women need support too
And they fucking deserve it
Because they support so many others
One of my current mantras is “I am divinely supported” and my higher self said to me the other day, with sass “you are, but you gotta let the support IN, soften those walls down”.
So here I am softening.
Strong woman, can you join me ?