As a kid, I LOVED reading! I am a super quick reader and book nerd from way back. I remember being a bit cheeky with the choose your own adventure books – I’d often flip to the page, decide, nah, that’s not vibing and keep going through my options until I found one satisfactory.
What I’ve come to realise in all this conscious ‘work’ is that we are actually living in one big-ass spiritual choose your own adventure novel of our own writing, but most of us think we only have one ending choice. And I mean not just on the everyday surface stuff, like clothes, friends and food, but choice in the juicy stuff – like the hidden stories, beliefs and patterns which lie in the unconscious mind – which massively impact the way our life, relationships, money and pretty much how EVERYTHING plays out.
Today, I tuned into some feelings of discomfort that appear at the start of my babysitting for Luna (my daughter). I feel anxious – WTF, this seems counter-intuitve right – it’s the time I get to myself, for my biz to solely focus on what I want. I made a promise to myself that I would only work and create from a sacred space, and anxiety ain’t that space.
Today, instead of just pushing through, ignoring (aka repressing) or pretending I couldn’t notice the feeling of my heart being bound, or my breath being shallow, I choose to sink deeper into it – as feminine embodiment asks of me to do.
We (collective society) are so so fucking conditioned to bypass feelings which are uncomfortable, or “bad” or “negative” and certainly, anxiety doesn’t fall in the “happy unicorns” camp. For a lot of women (and men, but you know I’m talking to you gals), we’ve become numbed out, disconnected from the signs in our body (like the tightness of chest and shallow breath I mentioned).
Today, I witnessed this was a pattern for the past month during babysitting. Tight chest, feeling of being bound, a lot of contraction through the chest and heart. Instead of looking at my epic to do list (overachiever since 1986), and making those tasks a priority, I choose to make my feelings the focus – and go deeper into the anxiousness and be with it by dropping into a body awareness meditation and embodiment practice. Through feminine embodiment and self-coaching, I illuminated what I had been trying to simply “push through” or “gloss over” from the past month – an old outdated belief was being triggered, or, activated, every time babysitting happened.
This belief was: I felt ‘bad’ for not being ‘productive’ enough. So I enquired further, what does that mean to me, ‘productive’.
What came up was – productive by an old masculine model, one that demands I jump straight into work and views forward incessantly better than spaciousness, substance or depth. A pursuit of endless productivity and more-ness, which I had been trained in through my many years of schooling, my business degree and business career. This played out for me a lot of my life as constant striving, doing and achieving, living in numbness to my body at the cost of my health and wellbeing – on numerous levels.
I wasn’t doing this anymore. I wasn’t living in this standard or version of productivity, and this old belief was creating anxiety.
I would ease into my work slowly, often start with a little cleaning (as then my house felt more spacious to work in) and set the mood with candles, essential oils and sometimes even went to yoga through-out.
This trigger was being activated through anxiety, to alert me – hey, I’m still lurking like a little creepo in the background – time to bring me into the light, to be healed. And just like those monsters in the dark we’re afraid of only to find that when we turn on the light it’s just a weird sock stuck over a teddy bears head – that the old story that had been triggered wasn’t actually too scary once I had acknowledged it.
Once I acknowledged that okay, this belief, creepy Jeff, we will call him, lurking in the corner was actually NOT ALIGNED with my current vision of the world, I decided to choose again.
Choose my own adventure.
See, one of my core values is SPACIOUSNESS. This isn’t something someone told to me, rather one I chose for myself last year. Another value is VIBRATIONAL MATCH – that is, getting into the feels of what I desire, so it can find me quicker.
In shining the light on this story behind the feelings of my anxiety, I empowered myself to CHOOSE AGAIN. As I felt deeper into this, I created a polarising belief –
Every-time I devote myself to my sacred alignment and vibration and values, I receive 10 fold (because I am divinely supported by the universe).
Whoa, I felt my whole body sigh.
Okay, so I wasn’t being unproductive by these new beliefs – I was actually acting in alignment – but Jeff hadn’t received the memo until now. Sure, I wasn’t being a super work-horse by the OLD IDEA of productivity, but that old ideal is no longer one I choose. With this, my anxiety has gone, and I’ve softened into my work, flowing and femme, like me.
See, if you don’t go deeper into the feelings, we just keep getting stuck in the same ending – whether it be manifesting as dis-ease, stress, anxiety, same relationships, same money story, some issues with different people.
This is the magic of feminine embodiment.
It allows us to create our own adventure, as our soul desires it.
Over-coming those implanted ideas or conditioning that aren’t really ‘ours’ or old ideas which no longer fit our new, upgraded self.
This the magic of walking the path of a powerful woman and #modernsacredfeminine – you get to re-create and choose again, if you don’t like the story which is in play or need to upgrade your beliefs.
I’d love to know, what story have you recently witnessed that you’re ready to shift, or have shifted?
If you’re thinking damn, I’ve just been following the story line on REPEAT and I want to CHOOSE MY OWN ADVENTURE I’d love to help guide you there through feminine embodiment.